The First Heartbreak

Hey, I have been with this guy since I was 17. We grew up together pretty much taking a step from being in High School into College and Society itself. We did take things a little fast but that was the best part about it, every decision we made was in an instant in full trust that if we are together, it’s going to magically happen. We moved out together at 18, had respectable jobs and maintained a steady GPA as well by attending classes in the morning.

We also adopted a dog, we mutually agreed on naming him “Polo” as well, everything in our relationship came with the flow and we always were on the same page. The sex was amazing these few years. We had the place to ourselves every single day, we went wild! As I assume any teenager would. We brokeup and went back to our parent’s home and both gave up on school and struggled to have jobs. We started having sex in his mom’s place everyday after school. The sex only got better and better the more we snuck around. Then it became a habit to sneak out and have sex in his car in spontaneous places. We did not have a care in the world. We got back together and the sex was the best it’s ever been, we try everything we like and we are very vocal on our needs, have our little fetishes established. Life was good, we would stay in hotels and have sex in whatever location we think. We even thought of moving out to another state and had sex there as well. We shortly got scared by this big step and ruined the relationship again. We brokeup now and he claims it was the last time. It was the most amazing sex we have ever had in my opinion. We were having a few drinks and one thing lead to the other and it was simply making love. I wish I had the words to describe it. But it was indeed the last one. Now I am closed off to other men and struggle to get out of my shell. It isn’t the fear of the unknown, I had sex with other men before during the brief periods of our previous breakup. But now I have struggled more than ever to feel sexy and appealing to other men. I feel strange even thinking of having sex with someone else. All I have to say is, I need help. I don’t feel feminine or sexy anymore. I dont feel the way I used to and I would hate if it was me simply subconsciously giving him control over my confidence. Thank you for your time❤️

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